I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
