smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
