Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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