we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
