Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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