Banned from zoo.
Again?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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