i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
