Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
