Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize