Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
