I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
