I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
