There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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