i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
