I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
