So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
