Christians are straight up FREAKS
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
