You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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