Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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