I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
