Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
