One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Are we still banned from the library?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
