Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize