I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
