You're so nebulous sometimes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
