Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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