you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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