3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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