Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
