That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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