At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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