If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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