im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
