Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
