We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You need a sexual gate keeper
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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