his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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