Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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