its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
