i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize