That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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