you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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