based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will pee on everything he values.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
