I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
