she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize