just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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