with your own penis?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
