They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
