I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it because I queefed?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
