it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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