Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
