So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
