he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
