Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
