Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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