YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
