So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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