So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
