Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
