I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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