In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
