i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
