he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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