We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
