I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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