Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just tell him i said nine months
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When are your genitals available?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
