i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
