If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
