When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
