The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
